You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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