I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
