Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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