It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he thought i was a dude.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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