I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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