I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
