Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
