No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
