It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
