they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
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she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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