Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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