He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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