Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
