She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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