U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
