Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Randomize
