Jerry, you need to find god
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
