the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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