my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
