thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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