Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
