so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
