My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
When did angry sex become our thing?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
