I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
