i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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