whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
