So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
