apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
