now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
