SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I am naked and annoyed.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
