when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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