you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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