I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
