So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
they're like a gay fantastic four
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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