OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
