I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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