all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
