I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My ass is underappreciated
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
