Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
