so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
