I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
