This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
