when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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