It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
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i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
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I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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