What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
