Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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