I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize