I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Randomize
