pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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