i think i have two assholes
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
