in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
