Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
