Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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