Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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