i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
