Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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