I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
