Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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