I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
