He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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