I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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