i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
