before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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