go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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