that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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