I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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