2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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