living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
