I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
