First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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