im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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