Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
